Its funny how we all change as we get older, experience things throughout our lives, see things differently when we really go through hard times.....it's called growing up. As a child, I saw many things a child should have never seen or experienced. But looking back, I believe God allowed that stuff to benefit me as I got older. He didn't make it happen, the devil did, but God turned it to the good as His word says.
"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them that are called according to His purpose".
I've watched my Mom go through some really difficult times. We've experienced many together. We've had our ups and downs and our relationship suffered greatly for many years. But the way I grew up, I knew how important family was and is, so we fought through it and now we've both changed. There were times I thought my Mom was a weak person for not standing firm or for taking abuse. I watched her give in time after time as my heart broke for me and for her. Knowing that our relationship would take yet another blow. Even though, at times, we were on different pages, we still had a deep love for each other and knew how important family was so we struggled through. The pain we both experienced was was awful and I would never want to go back to those days for anything. It's finally that when I suffered with septic shock and was in the hospital on life support, that something finally broke. I remember waking up from being on life support, I felt something I had never felt before....an overwhelming feeling of love. I could see (spiritually) the word "Yahweh", in brightly in-bedded white letters, on my forehead. Things had happened that were unexplainable to most but I knew what had happened. I was in His presence while in a coma. As I laid there in that hospital bed, the tv was on. Joyce Meyer was telling a story about what she had endured with her dad and how she finally forgave him when he was dying. She had had an epiphany. I began to cry. My life changed that very instance. I had been saved for many many years, but I had never experienced the feelings I had that day. I had never truly forgiven Mom and Mom carried so much guilt for what had happened in my life. Neither of us could really move forward because we were both holding on to junk we needed to let go.
Mom was at my home holding the fort down, as they say, while my husband and Aunt spent their days and nights with me at the hospital. When I finally came home, she was there. As I came in, I was so weak and frail, I had to sit in a chair by the door. Mom was at the bottom of our stairs looking at me like a little child. I could see that she wanted to run and grab me up, but she was scared. I looked at her and started telling her about my stay and what all I had experienced spiritually. I told her that God had told me to let go of it all and forgive her completely. She burst into tears. I got up and went to her. We both embraced each other and wept. That day was the beginning of our relationship as Mom and daughter. That day I began to see my Mom in a whole different light. I saw Mom take more junk that she didn't deserve, go through battles that would make anyone fall, but I also saw that something had changed in her. I saw a fighting spirit. I saw her come out from things that she had taken her whole life. I saw her becoming stronger, more confident, more resilient. She became stronger in her relationship with God. And our bond has become something I had always dreamed it could be. I have a Mom who is my very best friend. The love we share is amazing. She has grown so much.
It's amazing how so much turmoil and bad things can either make or break you. Sometimes you don't even realize it and think you're doing great. But God always has His divine purpose and knows the desires of our hearts. He gave me something far greater than any riches in this land could ever give me.....my Mom. We really should write a book.
As I go through this chapter in Mom's life with her and her husband, I sit and am amazed at how strong my Mom really is. She is the sole caregiver to her husband who has cancer. Her whole life revolves around making sure he's taken care of. She is so kind and loving.....even after going days without much sleep. I've even watched Carl change, because of Mom's love and endurance.
I see Mom has changed in so many ways, stronger in her faith and life and I am so proud to tell the world she is my Mom. So you see...... I am the one that has changed....because Mom was always this person but I just never saw it because I needed to change. It was me the whole time that kept her from forgiving herself.
Oh how I love Jesus....for opening my eyes, making me into what He wants, allowing me to see things so beautiful. I love my Mom so much! Please pray for her and her husband as they fight this battle together.