Saying Goodbye

Life has certainly been on hold for me these past few months.  Nothing pretty or unique that I've done lately to share other than the need for prayers.

I do want to thank those who've prayed.  I greatly appreciate them all.

Today, we attended the funeral to someone that has become such a huge part of our lives...my mother's husband of 16 years.  Today was his birthday.   

  Carl lost his battle with cancer but his soul was gained in Heaven.

I just cannot believe he's gone.  I'll never hear him say my name again, see this sleepy smile of his or be able to ask my many questions about computers, coins, automobile trouble, or ask for help with so many other things.  

As I sat by my Mom, we listened to a song that was their love song at their wedding.  We both sat and cried.  The love they shared was something she had always wanted ever since I can remember.  Carl gave it to her freely. 

I saw these two give this look to each other  all throughout their time together. Like two teenagers!

Carl didn't like cake so he was thrilled with his birthday pie especially with the "0", lol!  That smile was priceless!

He and Mom shared many birthdays together and he always made hers special.  

He had three sons...Carl Jr., Stacey and Michael.  He had 6 grandchildren in all.  

Carl loved animals and throughout the years, we discovered a stray was always welcome.  He and Mom could never turn them away.  Our animals always loved to see him come because they knew they'd get a treat and some loving from him.

He couldn't stand the color red but he wore it for Mom every Christmas...now that's love!  We always had a lot of laughs together.

This was their first ever selfie during one of his many stays in the hospital this past year.  He sure was a fighter!

I'm sure going to miss him but something that made me smile today....knowing he's in Heaven with Mammaw and my Aunt Judy.  He loved them dearly and they loved him too.

He loved to shock Mammaw and make her smile....He always wanted her to be happy.  He loved it when she came down to stay with them.

I could write a book on all of the things I got to know and love about him.  We had our bumpy start but had a smooth finish and for that I am so grateful!  I know he truly loved me and my family.

I love you Carl....glad we got to spend so much time together and make memories.  Thanks for everything you did for me and my family.  

And until we see each other again, I'll carry you in my heart.

We All Change

Its funny how we all change as we get older, experience things throughout our lives, see things differently when we really go through hard times.....it's called growing up.  As a child, I saw many things a child should have never seen or experienced. But looking back, I believe God allowed that stuff to benefit me as I got older.  He didn't make it happen, the devil did, but God turned it to the good as His word says.  

Romans 8:28

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them that are called according to His purpose".  

I've watched my Mom go through some really difficult times. We've experienced many together.  We've had our ups and downs and our relationship suffered greatly for many years.  But the way I grew up, I knew how important family was and is,  so we fought through it and now we've both changed.   There were times I thought my Mom was a weak person for not standing firm or for taking abuse.  I watched her give in time after time as my heart broke for me and for her.  Knowing that our relationship would take yet another blow.  Even though, at times, we were on different pages, we still had a deep love for each other and knew how important family was so we struggled through.  The pain we both experienced was was awful and I would never want to go back to those days for anything.  It's finally that when I suffered with septic shock and was in the hospital on life support, that something finally broke.  I remember waking up from being on life support, I felt something I had never felt before....an overwhelming feeling of love.  I could see (spiritually) the word "Yahweh",  in brightly in-bedded white letters,  on my forehead.  Things had happened that were unexplainable to most but I knew what had happened.   I was in His presence while in a coma.  As I laid there in that hospital bed, the tv was on.  Joyce Meyer was telling a story about what she had endured with her dad and how she finally forgave him when he was dying.  She had had an epiphany.  I began to cry.  My life changed that very instance.  I had been saved for many many years, but I had never experienced the feelings I had that day.  I had never truly forgiven Mom  and Mom carried so much guilt for what had happened in my life.    Neither of us could really move forward because we were both holding on to junk we needed to let go.  

Mom was at my home holding the fort down, as they say, while my husband and Aunt spent their days and nights with me at the hospital.  When I finally came home, she was there.  As I came in, I was so weak and frail, I had to sit in a chair by the door.   Mom was at the bottom of our stairs looking at me like a little child.  I could see that she wanted to run and grab me up, but she was scared.  I looked at her and started telling her about my stay and what all I had experienced spiritually.  I told her that God had told me to let go of it all and forgive her completely.  She burst into tears.  I got up and went to her.  We both embraced each other and wept. That day was the beginning of our relationship as Mom and daughter.  That day I began to see my Mom in a whole different light.  I saw Mom take more junk that she didn't deserve, go through battles that would make anyone fall, but I also saw that something had changed in her.  I saw a fighting spirit.  I saw her come out from things that she had taken her whole life.  I saw her becoming stronger, more confident, more resilient.  She became stronger in her relationship with God.  And our bond has become something I had always dreamed it could be.  I have a Mom who is my very best friend.  The love we share is amazing.  She has grown so much. 

It's amazing how so much turmoil and bad things can either make or break you.  Sometimes you don't even realize it and think you're doing great.  But God always has His divine purpose and knows the desires of our hearts.  He gave me something far greater than any riches in this land could ever give me.....my Mom.  We really should write a book. 

As I go through this chapter in Mom's life with her and her husband, I sit and am amazed at how strong my Mom really is.  She is the sole caregiver to her husband who has cancer.  Her whole life revolves around making sure he's taken care of.  She is so kind and loving.....even after going days without much sleep.  I've even watched Carl change, because of Mom's love and endurance. 

I see Mom has changed in so many ways, stronger in her faith and life and I am so proud to tell the world she is my Mom.  So you see...... I am the one that has changed....because Mom was always this person but I just never saw it because I needed to change.  It was me the whole time that kept her from forgiving herself.

Oh how I love Jesus....for opening my eyes, making me into what He wants, allowing me to see things so beautiful.  I love my Mom so much!  Please pray for her and her husband as they fight this battle together.   

A Jacket to Remember

Recently, Anne from White Lace Cottage posted a photo of her wearing a cute ruffled blue jean jacket.  The ruffle on the jacket grabbed my attention!  So I decided to make my own rendition.

 I have so many blue jean jackets but didn't want to cut them up because I still love them all.  I had some of Mammaw's clothes and decided to make a jacket from one of her shirts that I would have never worn but wanted to keep.  She wore this shirt and a skirt many times and looked so beautiful in it.  I knew she would be so proud with me for making it into something new since we both loved to sew.  I've never held the title at making clothes, she did that.  But I have to say, it turned out so cute!

I'm a casual gal...I love blue jeans so I paired the black shirt/made into a jacket with a striped tank and some white boat shoes.  Kind of a nautical look.

I'm not a skinny girl either but I do love my curves. The ruffle just makes it curve so much better than just hanging straight.

I did take it up in the back to add more of a fitted look.  The shirt had shoulder pads in it and I opted to take them out at first, but then decided to keep them.  I used a dark denim for the ruffle and lightened this photo up so that it could be seen....but in reality, it really looks like a deep navy, almost black. 

I love to rework clothing, giving them a whole different look.  

So it really is a jacket to remember.  A memory of Mammaw and a new life.